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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066184">Truth or Lie in the Dark</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFixerMuse/pseuds/AFixerMuse'>AFixerMuse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>To Be or Not to Be, That is Their Question [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Kissing, Awkward Flirting, Crush at First Sight, Cutesy, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Slow Burn, Unrequited Crush</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:01:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,542</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27066184</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFixerMuse/pseuds/AFixerMuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Cullen’s breathing changed, and she sensed his heart rate increasing. Wincing, Ataashi shifted closer and waited. She clenched her fingers into fists to resist the urge to brush away the dirt from his face and smoothing back the mess of debris scattered in his hair. Of all the people she had to be swallowed into an earthen prison with, it had to be THIS man. It seemed Ataashi was so blessed by the powers that be that not only was she the sole survivor of the explosion at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and the recipient of this Mark, but she also was one of the first Vashoth to fall into a bloody sinkhole. With the object of her girlish longings to boot. Adaar/Cullen oneshot series self-challenge Part 2</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adaar/Cullen Rutherford, Female Adaar/Cullen Rutherford, Female Inquisitor/Cullen Rutherford</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>To Be or Not to Be, That is Their Question [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2101113</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Coming to Fruition</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Truth or Lie in the Dark</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Self-serving fluff for my desires of a relationship between a Qunari rogue Ataashi Adaar and Cullen Rutherford. Chronologically this is the second of a series of one-shots, but you don't have to read them in order. The "first" is "Never in a Thousand Years." Feel free to leave prompts for future ones. Cheers!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn't the pain that galled her, reminding Ataashi of her mortality. Ataashi knew she had more than a few cracked ribs from the fall and added to the scrapes, bruises, and the injured arm, and she was just happy to be alive.</p><p>It wasn't the broken horn that bothered Ataashi either. She smirked as she held up the broken tip for inspection. She'd known a crack or breakage likely when she'd literally used her head to fight off the last remaining blows from the demon, right before the entire forest floor gave way beneath her.</p><p>It also, surprisingly, wasn't the lost dagger. Ataashi took personal pride in knowing that the missing blade was still embedded in the demon's skull. Or at least she assumed it was, considering she'd fallen through the forest floor so suddenly she'd barely had time to register the demon's death and her missing blade with it.</p><p>No, all these factors were tolerable to the Vashoth Inquisitor, wounded and stranded though she was, at the bottom of what appeared to be an impassable sinkhole.</p><p>The factor that had Atasshi disquieted was the forced proximity to a certain Commander Cullen Rutherford. Glancing over at his unconscious form, Ataashi sighed. Cullen had yet to wake, but Ataashi knew he breathed still. Waking up first to their worrisome predicament, she'd assessed his situation immediately and only realized her own injuries after reassuring herself of his steady heartbeat.</p><p>Ataashi had broken his fall, her body slamming into the dirt floor and rolling onto her back only seconds before Cullen landed on top of her. Ataashi still wasn't certain if her initial fall had done in her ribs or if it had been Cullen's armor-laden form crushing her further into the dirt. Either way, he was damned lucky she'd fallen first. Her natural stamina and physique had saved her life, and her cushioning form had saved his too, she was certain. Shaking her head, Ataashi fell back to her thoughts for company, even as she dreaded the moment Cullen awoke.</p><p>Besides Vivienne, who had far more insight into such things than seemed natural, no one else knew of her attraction. And Ataashi had done enough favors for Vivienne to know that the Knight Enchanter would not betray her confidence. The woman took pity on Ataashi's plight and did what she could, as subtly as she could, to encourage greater warmth between Ataashi and Cullen. A few of Vivienne's attempts had merited results. The board games between herself and Cullen and Dorian were one such result, and even Varric had unknowingly played into Vivienne's efforts by arranging games of Wicked Grace the Commander often joined. But, aside from their current forced isolation, they had yet to spend significant time alone.</p><p>Though their initial meeting had been far from cordial, and her haphazard attempt to express interest in him back at Haven had been rebuffed in as equally an awkward manner, that hadn't stopped her curiosity and attraction from growing. Cullen would never guess that her interest in him continued past that awkward exchange. Most likely, if it weren't for her Mark and this Inquisition, he would've never given her a second glance—unless, of course, the glance was one of caution as he watched to see if she was a threat. He treated her respectfully, and there were now times of comradery, but Ataashi knew nothing else was likely to develop. She was the Inquisitor, the Herald to many, and with the Mark she had a burden of responsibility not easily set aside. Beyond that, there was her race as well. The horns and her height were not easily overlooked, the "ox-woman" being stronger than human men not easily accepted, and the unknowns of her culture or her intentions not easily welcomed.</p><p>It was a hard truth to accept that Ataashi had been determinedly drawn to the strong, former-Templar ever since she'd first heard his voice and laid eyes on him. He freely lived according to ideals she'd always cherished. Fate had denied her this life because of the expectations put upon her race. One time. And only one time had Ataashi ever expressed her interest in becoming a champion of justice and fighting off evil like the Templars. Ataashi still felt the biting sting of the beating she'd received from Shokrakar. She thanked the mercenary leader now, in retrospect. Had she ever dared to express those sentiments beyond the tent she called home, they would have ostracized Ataashi worse than all others. And she, chased away from any decent work, would have been cast out to fend for herself in the wilds. "Ox-women" weren't expected, or wanted, to be champions for good. They were brutes handy for dealing with giants and collecting debts as meat-bruisers only.</p><p>Cullen's breathing hitched, and Ataashi knew he was fighting off a wave of pain. She empathized with his plight but remained where she was. She would do herself that favor and keep as much distance as possible, for as long as possible.</p><p>Growing up in the world of humans, exposed only to the Valo-Kas in her formative years, undoubtedly influenced Ataashi's preferences. Ataashi had never been attracted to her fellow mercenaries, regardless of race, and had always been guarded around others of her kind, knowing from personal experience the burdens of being Qunari outside the Qun and how that could taint one's sense of honor. Shokrakar had on more than one occasion noted, derisively so, how Ataashi's sense of honor was not lucrative and would bring their group lousy luck if she didn't keep a tight lid on her true thoughts. This picking of when it was "appropriate" to display an honorable nature was a key reason Ataashi had never pursued a fellow Valo-Kas or other members of her race.</p><p>Though she often found the strength of mind and tenacity of dwarves worthy of note, Ataashi couldn't get over the immense differences of culture and physical stature between them to take the notion of a romantic interlude with one seriously. Of elves, she'd yet to meet many outside of mercenary work who had the same backbone she'd prefer in a man, and then there was the fact they were mercenaries that further diminished their attraction factor. Most lacked the honor code Ataashi sought to live by, and of those who had honor, none had ever given her a second glance.</p><p>Cullen lived by the honor code Ataashi relished hearing about in the tales of old. When she'd first spied him, she'd wondered if the gods had cursed her by bringing to life a fantasy to walk beside her, always at hand yet always out of reach. Cullen's sense of honor, his strength of character, his tenacity in looking after his men, his humility, and humor: all these things drew Ataashi to the Commander in a way no other man had. And it was damned frustrating.</p><p>Of course, there was more to him than just the ideal that attracted her. He was imperfect, as his continued insistence upon misunderstanding her intentions testified to, but it was also his imperfections that drew her. Ataashi felt his imperfections complimented her own, challenging her to grow beyond herself so she could understand him more. Perhaps not the most constructive response for a woman in a one-sided relationship, but it was one she felt nonetheless.</p><p>Ataashi looked up, barely able to glimpse the sky through the mess of roots and rocks they'd fallen through. They'd fallen far. Very far. With the way her ribs were feeling and her Marked arm with them, there was no way she'd be able to carry Cullen to the top. Her vision unhindered by the dimness of their earthen cage, Ataashi had already checked the perimeter and found no tunnels or indications that this was an old mining shaft or dwarven earthwork. It truly was a natural phenomenon and one that they'd been warned about by the research assistant back in camp. Though rare, they had known sinkholes to open in this region.</p><p>Just her luck. It seemed Ataashi was so blessed by the powers that be that not only was she the sole survivor of the explosion at the Temple of Sacred Ashes and the recipient of this Mark, but she also was one of the first Vashoth to fall into a bloody sinkhole. With the object of her girlish longings, to boot.</p><p>She let her eyes wander over Cullen's slumbering form and sighed. He was powerfully built, his body weathered through both physical and mental trials. She'd seen the way his stiff walk of the morning evened out to a confident gait by mid-day, a telling sign of a man accustomed to a hard life. Ataashi rarely fought alongside him, and his presence in the field today had been a surprise. Still, the few times she had, Ataash had been distracted by his fighting prowess (momentarily only, of course). Back in Skyhold, she'd seen him demonstrate moves for the recruits and had more than once loosened her hold on her imagination and foolishly wondered what those same moves would look like, but with far less clothing.</p><p>Ataashi shook her head to clear the remembered imaginings, purposefully adjusting her hurt arm to allow the pain to aid in her mental refocus. She was not celibate, though she'd lived recent years that way. The few times she had engaged in intercourse had been awkward at best. The fellow Vashoth of her youth being far too caught up in his own pleasure to notice he had a partner, and the human giant of a man she'd spent a few nights with years before had been equally more interested in the exotic nature of grabbing her horns and fucking her than in sharing anything more than physical satiation.</p><p>So Ataashi had consigned herself to a lifetime of singleness. She took care of her own desires as best she could when they flared up to a distractible level. And she left the longings of a girlish heart to die as she did her best to repress them. With this Mark and these rifts, she had better uses for her emotional energy than to pine away.</p><p>Cullen's breathing changed, and she sensed his heart rate increasing. Wincing, Ataashi shifted closer and waited. She clenched her fingers into fists to resist the urge to brush away the dirt from his face and smoothing back the mess of debris scattered in his hair. Of all the people she had to be swallowed into an earthen prison with, it had to be THIS man.</p><p>Cullen coughed. He grimaced, curling inward and rolling onto his side. Gathering her resolve to face him confidently, Ataashi reached out and lightly pounded on his back, aiding his efforts to dislodge the bits of dirt he'd inhaled. As soon as his coughing ceased, and his breathing, though ragged, returned to normal, Ataashi withdrew her hand.</p><p>"Who?" Cullen turned to look over his shoulder but had to wait until Ataashi leaned closer into his line of vision before he relaxed his stiffened posture. "Oh," Ataashi couldn't determine the emotion behind his simple statement. "Wha-" Cullen raised himself to a semi-seated position, "what happened?"</p><p>"Sinkhole." Ataashi pointed to their mangled ceiling. "I don't know all the particulars, but towards the end of the fight, a sinkhole opened beneath us, and as far as I can tell, only you and I fell here. I haven't seen or heard of any others since I awoke."</p><p>"How long have I been out?" Blinking away the last of his confusion, Cullen slowly removed his gauntlets and vambraces, his movements disjointed and hesitant as if punctuated with pain.</p><p>Ataashi watched him continue in his armor-relievement process, undoing the ties at his shoulders for the cuirass. "I don't know how long I was out, but since I woke up, you have been unconscious for nearly an hour longer."</p><p>Cullen nodded, grunting as he tried to pull the heavy breast plating away from his body. It tangled the stays under the heavy folds of his fur-lined cloak. Ataashi waited just a moment more before she reached out and deftly untied the cloak, letting it drop to the ground behind him and giving him the freedom to pull the cuirass off. Cullen nodded his gratitude and set the cuirass to the side, along with his vambraces and gauntlets. Ataashi helped pull the cloak out from under and around him and tossed it onto the growing pile of armor.</p><p>"I have heard no movement. Though we seem to have escaped imminent danger, from either up there or down there," Ataashi patted the ground beside her, "I wouldn't lower my guard for too long. I have a habit of drawing trouble to myself, despite my best efforts at diplomacy."</p><p>Either not hearing her attempt at humor, or not caring for it, Cullen shifted his body but then gave a muffled cry. He reached for his left leg, Ataashi following his movements, as he pulled away the greaves. The pain increased with his efforts, and he fell back against his elbows before he could get at his boot. Ataashi, listening to his shallow breaths, hurried forward and untied his boot, dragging it off as gently as possible.</p><p>"That," Cullen glared at the wretchedly twisted ankle, "does not bode well if you're correct in your fears." They both knew without discussing it: Cullen wouldn't be able to walk, not without rendering himself completely lame.</p><p>Ataashi clicked her tongue against the back of her teeth, "Neither does this." Pointing to her arm, she watched Cullen's eyes narrow. She was using her sash as a sling for her Marked arm. Snapping her shoulder back into place had been the first thing she'd done upon regaining consciousness, and it'd taken only a few moments past that for Ataashi to realize immobilizing her arm would help it feel less pain or risk permanent damage.</p><p>"Aren't we a fine pair then?" Cullen grimaced as he shifted again, trying to drag himself backward until he could rest against the earthen wall. "Together, we make a full fighting force; apart, we are useless."</p><p>"Well," Ataashi unsheathed her remaining dagger and leaned back. Ignoring Cullen for the time being, she pulled at the fabric of her chest binding and, making a careful cut, pulled off a thin strip from the bottom. Unraveling it, but not so much as to leave herself completely bared, Ataashi cut, then set aside the bit of cloth and sheathed her dagger. "Not completely useless."</p><p>Ataashi got to her feet and hobbled over to a root system scrambling in and out of the dirt. Unsheathing her dagger once more, she made quick work of several pieces. Shuffling back to Cullen with her treasures, Ataashi offered him a quick smile. At his responding lack of expression, Ataashi remembered he couldn't see her clearly in the near dark and hadn't a clue what she was doing. She inwardly sighed.</p><p>"I'm going to splint your ankle," Ataashi announced when she was close enough to kneel beside him. "Here," she took hold of his hands and placed them over the pieces of wood on either side of his ankle, "hold these here so I can tie them together."</p><p>"I see what you mean about 'not completely useless,'" Ataashi heard the smile in his voice without having to look up. She nibbled on her lower lip as she concentrated on working, doing her best to avoid jostling him. "Where did you learn to field dress like this?" Cullen's voice sounded pained, and Ataashi knew he wanted the distraction of conversation while she worked.</p><p>"As you've already known, a woman of my race and statue in the Free Marches had little other legitimate employment offered than mercenary work." She paused in her work when she heard him gasp, her last effort knocking his leg more than she meant. Ataashi waited until she saw him give a quick nod before continuing, "But it may come as a surprise, I've never taken pleasure in the killing or the pain that often goes with my employment. I've always preferred missions where there was no bloodshed, and we were brokering peace. However, given the nature of most races in Thedas, more missions resulted in death, on both sides." She worked quietly for a moment, concentrating on her work even as images of past missions flowed freely through her mind.</p><p>Cullen interrupted the silence.</p><p>"You are correct," Cullen breathed through his clenched teeth, and Ataashi waited until his body relaxed on the outlet of breath before she resumed, "in both my surprise at your preferred missions and in the twisted nature of most in our world. That twisted nature is why I became a Templar. I wanted to protect people from the abuses of magical power, or from corrupted power itself." When Ataashi looked up, she saw a shadowed look cross his face, "I was naïve to think that twisted abuse could never originate from within our ranks."</p><p>Ataashi nodded. It hurt, having to use both her hands, and she was sweating from the increased pain by the time she had the splint secured. "For myself, I discovered that while I was good with a blade and in dealing death, I was equally good at easing pain and staving off death." From the semi-relieved look on Cullen's face, once Ataashi sat back and re-secured her own sling, the effort was worth it. "I've maintained my studies on healing and procedures for dealing with battlefield wounds in my spare time."</p><p>"Ah," Cullen leaned forward to inspect her work, "that must be why I've spied firelight coming from your tower at all hours of the night." Ataashi raised an eyebrow. <em>Why would he notice that?</em> Cullen interrupted her curiosity with a smile, "I am grateful for your versatile talents," he gave a half shrug, "And you are right again," at her responding silence, he continued, "I never would've guessed your penchant for healing. It is only natural that every race would require healers, but I have had so little formal dealings with those of your kind..." His voice trailed off as Cullen bowed his head slightly, "Forgive my ignorance, Inquisitor."</p><p>"I will if you please do away with the title and use my given name. At least while we are stuck here, just the two of us." She waved at the darkened area around them, "As small an area as this is, I don't think we have room for titles."</p><p>Cullen laughed then took a sharp breath from the pain, "Very well, Ataashi, I consent to your terms. So long as you understand that the missive goes both ways."</p><p>"Duly noted, Cullen." It was a welcome strangeness, saying his name aloud.</p><p>"So," Cullen cleared his throat a few moments later, "do you have any imaginative ideas on how we're going to get out of this?"</p><p>"I was rather hoping you might." Ataashi verbally pushed back, for once wanting to take a backseat to decision making, at least until the worst of her own pain had passed.</p><p>"My go-to solution is ballistic weaponry, but as I don't have a trebuchet," she could hear the sarcasm in his voice and felt her lips twitch into a smile, "though maybe I can make one."</p><p>Ataashi laughed as carefully as possible, "I never understood why Leliana and Josephine teased you so much about those trebuchets. They ended up saving our lives." Ataashi reached over and grabbed the satchel of supplies she always kept strapped to her sash. "I also have never understood their teasing you over your fondness for keeping our men trained in both ballistic weapons and melee fighting." She found what she was looking for and pulled out the flask of water, "It seems perfectly reasonable to me. The more enemies you kill from afar, the less you have to deal with up close." Ataashi uncorked the flask and pressed it against Cullen's hand, "Here, have some water."</p><p>"Oh," he sounded surprised and grateful, "how much do you have?"</p><p>"Just the one flask. I have some hardtack, another flask of the poison Varric likes to peddle, and a few sweets I liberated from Sera's saddlebags."</p><p>"You 'liberated' the sweets?" Cullen took a swift but shallow sip before handing the flask back, "We should ration what we have; we don't know how long we'll be down here."</p><p>"Agreed." Ataashi took a similarly quick sip and relished the brief relief of liquid as it splashed down her throat. "Sera stole the sweets from Vivienne, and our resident Knight Enchanter tasked me with liberating them back. It seems Vivienne had special plans for these sweets and wasn't too keen on Sera's absconding with them."</p><p>"Well, let's hope they rescue us before we are forced to eat them and risk her wrath."</p><p>Cullen's voice sounded tired. Ataashi knew from experience that staying awake for as long as possible after a fall such as theirs was as important as stopping any bleeding. "Cullen, we need to stay awake."</p><p>"Hmm?" she watched him lean his head against the wall, his eyes heavy-lidded. "I thought rest was the best remedy. Rest and water."</p><p>"Usually, I would agree. But," Ataashi drew close again, and this time gave in to her desire to touch him, for inspection reasons only. "May I check you for more injuries?" Ataashi didn't wait before she turned his head first one way then another, massaging her fingers around his skull until she found what she was looking for: a rounded bump on top of his head. "With a head bump like what you've had, I've seen some men fall asleep and never wake up."</p><p>Cullen smiled from between her hands, "Your hands are quite warm." Ataashi drew them back so abruptly she heard Cullen's head bounce against the wall and inwardly cursed. He moaned, reaching for his head, his eyes sheepishly looking anywhere but at her face. "I didn't mean that negatively, only that my head has been hurting ever since I woke up, and my neck and back feel as though a herd of horses trampled me into the dirt. The warmth of your hands was…comforting." He reached for his cloak. "Forgive me if I made you feel uncomfortable."</p><p>"No," Ataashi watched Cullen return to his position, leaning against the wall, this time with his cloak draped in his arms, "you didn't make me uncomfortable." Well, that was a bald-faced lie, and they both knew it. "I just didn't want to hurt YOU or make YOU uncomfortable."</p><p>"Again, we make a fine pair. If apologies could be weaponized, I believe you and I would never fail to be well equipped."</p><p>Ataashi laughed but immediately sobered her mirth. The laughter hurt like hell, though the momentary mental elation was a welcome change. Cullen noticed her abrupt change in demeanor, however, and leaned forward, his hands fluttering in the air around her as if uncertain if he should touch or where.</p><p>"Makers breath. All this time you've been looking after me, and I've neglected to inquire after your health. Cassandra would have my skin draped on her shield if she knew of my negligence, and rightfully so," Cullen finally settled on placing a light hand on her uninjured shoulder, "what can I do to help you, Ataashi? And there's no point in lying to me. I can tell you're in pain too."</p><p>"Some of my ribs are out of place or broken, but aside from being careful and resting, there's not much else we can do for them. And as for my arm, I've already taken care of it as best I can." Cullen's eyes strayed to her broken horn, perhaps finally noticing it now that they were closer. "Aside from aggravating my preference for symmetry, the broken horn doesn't hurt." Ataashi reached into the satchel to pull out the broken portion and handed it to Cullen. She'd assumed his curiosity and was rewarded when he weighed the object in his hand and held it up for inspection. "I can file the jagged edges away when we get back to Skyhold and treat it with oils to prevent further cracks. It didn't break close enough to the core to risk exposure." Cullen looked up from the broken horn in his hand to her head and frowned. She continued, "If that had happened, it would've hurt like mad and could cause fever and sickness if not kept cleaned." Ataashi pointed to Cullen's hand, "The same as if you tear off the end of your nail, versus ripping off the skin and nail to the bone. One is a nuisance, the other a literal pain."</p><p>Cullen nodded, and after another moment of inspection, handed back the horn piece. "Thank you," at her look, he added, "for explaining. I'm sure it isn't easy for you, always having to explain away your unique features, such as your…horns, to everyone."</p><p>"Actually, I've never explained before." She tucked the horn piece back inside.</p><p>"Why?" Cullen seemed to surprise himself with his quick-fired question.</p><p>Ataashi shrugged and made herself more comfortable, her back also against the wall, their shoulders almost touching, "No one expressed concern for my well-being before, at least not outside my family or the Valo-Kas."</p><p>Cullen frowned, "But Cassandra-"</p><p>"While it is not so now, when she first found me, she was far more interested in the Mark than in the individual connected to the Mark."</p><p>Cullen shut his mouth and returned to his place against the wall. Her words held great truth. Though she hadn't meant them as an accusation against his behavior, Ataashi knew Cullen well enough to recognize the signs of self-judgment within the lines of his frowning expression. But Ataashi was saved from trying to change the subject to ease the gravity of the moment by the very loud growling of Cullen's stomach.</p><p>"Apologies," He placed a hand over his belly, "I was in such a hurry to find you all in the field I neglected to break my fast."</p><p>Ataashi pulled the satchel back into her lap and dug through it until she found the hardtack, "Were the missives really that important?" Breaking off a piece, she handed half to Cullen and tucked the other half back into the bag. Unlike the Commander, she had eaten only a few hours before and would not be hungry again for quite some time.</p><p>"Sitting here with a lame leg," Cullen chuckled, "no, I don't believe they were. However," he looked askew at Ataashi, "I don't regret coming. I would rather you be stranded in this pit with me than on your own."</p><p>"Is that a judgment on my abilities or a comment of sentimentality?" Ataashi reached over and lightly punched his shoulder. It surprised her at how natural all this felt, at least so far. He was making it a lot easier than she'd expected, and Ataashi surprised herself with how smoothly the words seemed to come now they were alone.</p><p>"Well, um, no," Cullen rubbed a hand on the back of his neck, "what I mean to say is," he heaved a sigh and she thought she heard him mutter a curse under his breath, "having gone through my fair share of tough situations," he dropped his hand and leaned his head back, "at least in my experience, company makes the situation far more tolerable. Survivable."</p><p>The comment's light-hearted intention had taken on a more serious turn, and Ataashi knew there was pain behind his statement. Feeling they were not yet to the comradery level where she should press, Ataashi steered the conversation away again.</p><p>"So, which one of us is going to sing the first ballad?"</p><p>Cullen turned his head so quickly his nose nearly knocked into her cheek, "Sing?"</p><p>Ataashi laughed at the frightened look on his face, immediately regretting her action and reaching for her ribs, "I know you can sing, Cullen. I heard you that night in the mountains before we found Skyhold. And I've also heard you-" Ataashi stopped and looked away. <em>Damn</em>.</p><p>"Where else have you heard me?"</p><p>She sighed, "I've heard you sing in your quarters." She continued to avoid his look as she fessed up the full confession, "Not that I've purposefully stood outside the doors and listened, but on more than one occasion, on my way to speak with you on official business, I have heard you singing."</p><p>"How embarrassing." Cullen covered his face with his hand. But despite the so-called embarrassment, Ataashi spied a shy smile touch his lips, "If you must know, it's because of my sister."</p><p>"The one who always beat you at board games?"</p><p>Cullen chuckled, "No, that's Mia. The singing is because of Rosalie." Cullen's smile broadened, and Ataashi felt the warmth of it seep through her body as he brought his memory to life with his words. "She wanted singing lessons but was too frightened to go by herself after the first few lessons proved difficult. What my brother Branson and I discovered, once she convinced us to go along with her, was not so much the difficulty of the lessons that frightened her as it was a few other precocious young girls who should've been disciplined for their nasty attitudes. They made fun of Rosalie's more husky voice and said she sounded like a boy." Cullen's body relaxed while his hands splayed the cloak first across his lap, then after a pause, he extended some to Ataashi. She smiled her thanks and accepted. "So Branson and I sang too. Branson can't sing, period. And I, well, as you know, I have a higher pitch than other men might, so the trio of us scared away the mean girls and secured legitimate lessons for Rosalie."</p><p>"That was very sweet of you and…Branson?" Cullen nodded. "You are both very honorable brothers to Rosalie."</p><p>Cullen shrugged then tipped his head up to stare at her more intently, "What of you?"</p><p>"Me?" Ataashi drew back. "Are you asking about my singing abilities or my siblings?"</p><p>"Either. Both." Cullen crossed his arms over his chest. "In fact, in our short acquaintance, we have spent far more time talking about me and my past than we have yours. I believe we have the time and space," he waved a hand to the small area around them as she had earlier, "to remedy that. You said I shouldn't sleep. If that's the case," his smile turned mischievous, "you'd best get to your storytelling. Or singing."</p><p>Ataashi held up a hand, "I'll choose the storytelling. I might bellow out a tune here or there when I've had more than a few ales, but I would never classify myself as a singer."</p><p>Cullen shifted his body to face her better. He was quite serious about her revealing more of her past and was settling in for a good story to prove it. Ataashi sighed. This was what she'd wanted, wasn't it? A chance to grow closer to the object of her fantasies? It would take vulnerability to do it, and though it was a damned nuisance, this vulnerability, she understood its necessity.</p><p>"My parents were Tal-Vasoth, which is why I can even say I have parents instead of being raised in a community of children by caretakers, as is the norm for Qunari."</p><p>Cullen held up a hand, "I'm sorry, I'm afraid I don't understand. When I was in Kirkwall, there were Qunari there, and aside from a few others scattered around Thedas that I've seen over the years, that is my only knowledge of your kind."</p><p>"No need to apologize. The Qunari have not made it easy for outsiders to WANT to understand them. They are a single-minded, honor-bound group that is relentless in pursuing what they believe to be the right path for existence. So long as you are willing to conform to the Qun, one might argue they accept all other races, which is a point in their favor. But their views on free will, on justice, on magic, even on romantic love, are all so very extreme and foreign to the rest of Thedas that it is inevitable they be seen as uncivilized, brutish barbarians."</p><p>"You keep saying 'they,' are you not Qunari as well?"</p><p>"No," Ataashi sighed, "and yes." She almost shrugged but refrained, not wanting to jostle her shoulder. "There is the race of Qunari, of which I am linked, and there is the path of the Qun, of which I am not. An elf may be Qunari, a dwarf may be Qunari, I may be Qunari, you," at Cullen's look she chuckled, "you see my point. You have the ox-men and ox-women who are called Qunari, as that is their race." Cullen frowned and looked away. Though he'd never used the term to her face, she remembered him stepping in at the tavern in Haven, telling off the new recruits for having used the term against her. "And you have those who conform to the Qun, and they too are called Qunari. I was not born into this path." Cullen brought his gaze back to meet hers. "My parents claimed the identity of Tal-Vashoth when they fled from the Qunari path. A Tal-Vashoth is anyone who has known the Qun and chosen to reject it. They are most often sought by the Qunari for assassination because they have known the truth but have turned from it. That is a far greater threat than someone such as I."</p><p>"They tried to kill your parents?" Cullen's eyes widened. "For not believing in the same ways of living?"</p><p>"Yes. For the Qun states clearly, you are of the Qun, or you are not; there is nothing in between. There is no ability to exist in the grey. If you are not of the Qun, you are a potential convert or, if you protest, something that must be eradicated. To have someone within the Qun reject it, they are like a disease that may spread within, and therefore no expense must be spared to destroy this disease." Ataashi sighed. "A Tal-Vashoth is never safe, Cullen. So long as the Qun continues, a Tal-Vashoth is always a threat and must always stay vigilant to survive."</p><p>"I never knew," Cullen shook his head, "And you were born into this?" Ataashi nodded, "But you said you are not seen as great a threat as your parents?"</p><p>"I am considered Vashoth, for I never knew the Qun to reject it. The Qunari, when presented with a Vashoth, typically give the option for conversion before execution, believing it to be mercy either way. If I convert, I no longer live lost and condemned by the sins of my parents. If I reject, well, then I deserve death as I am a continuation of the disease." Ataashi laughed mirthlessly. "I never had the option for singing lessons."</p><p>Cullen continued to stare at her with a concentrated frown on his face.</p><p>"How were you raised? With such burdens and threats against you, I cannot imagine how your parents managed."</p><p>Ataashi rubbed the back of her neck. The scars of her survival seemed to throb as the memories returned full force. She glanced at Cullen before reaching into the satchel and pulling out the flask which contained Varric's "poison." With te pain of her ribs, combined with that of her arm, and the growing ache in her heart, she desperately wanted something to take the edge off.</p><p>"Care for a swig of this swill Varric calls drink?" At Cullen's look, Ataashi half shrugged. "I find it helps with the pain." She took a drink, then held it out towards Cullen. He hesitated just a moment more before he accepted the flask and took a drink. Ataashi left it open and in her hand when he gave it back. She would need more of it before she finished her tale.</p><p>"I remember little before the Valo-Kas. Shokrakar was as much my surrogate mother as she was my commander." Ataashi took another swig, and likewise, Cullen accepted the offer again and mimicked. "I was four years old when they found us." Her fingers traced the outside of the flask. The emotions of the memory making it impossible for her to keep still in the telling of it. "They killed my father first, only after they humiliated him." She heard Cullen's harsh intake of break and hurried on. "Again, I have blocked most of the event from my mind, but Shokrakar was the one who found me at the scene and spent many a night detailing to me what she saw. She didn't want me to forget. She didn't want me to forgive." Ataashi took a long drink, then handed the flask back to Cullen. She studied him a moment before asking, "Did you know I wanted to be a Templar?"</p><p>Cullen choked on his sip in surprise, "You did?" He wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, "Why?"</p><p>"Pursuing justice attracted me, maintaining peace, acting on a sense of honor and integrity. Protecting the innocent, destroying the corrupted, standing for the right, the good, the pure. That sort of thing." Ataashi grabbed the flask from Cullen's hand and took another drink. "Shokrakar made sure I understood that I'd never be accepted on account of my race, and she made sure I understood that pursuing a life of such high morality was not for me. Not after what they did to my parents." She felt the sting of tears and distracted herself by nudging Cullen with the flask. He took it but didn't drink. "They removed the horns of both my parents first and, from what Shokrakar could tell, used them as weapons against them. The Qun's words were branded into their skin and carved into their bones when they were flayed open, still alive to watch. They wanted to riddle their bodies with the words of the truth they rejected." For a moment, Ataashi closed her eyes. "Shokrakar was certain they beat me while my mother was still alive, punishing my mother for her sins." Ataashi took the flask from Cullen and finished the drink. "She's just as certain that it was in beating me my mother found the last of her strength and used the broken horns of my father to stab the hearts of those who had come to kill us all."</p><p>Cullen remained silent. Most likely, the former Templar hadn't a clue what to say. And who would? Even Ataashi hadn't known what to say when Shokrakar told her the story, repeatedly, and always in response to Ataashi's naively expressed desire to live with honor and integrity, cleaving to those so-called "high morals" the mercenary commander scoffed at.</p><p>"You said Shokrakar found you there, with the bodies of your parents and the Qunari sent to kill you?" Cullen's question stirred Ataashi out of her thoughts, and she nodded. "And she took you into the Valo-Kas after that?"</p><p>"Yes," Ataashi took a deep breath and slowly let it out, "The Valo-Kas raised me. It has been the only life I've known." Eyeing the empty flask, Ataashi frowned and shoved it back inside her satchel. "In truth, as twisted as it may be, I am almost grateful for the Breach and these rifts. If it weren't for the atrocity at the Temple of the Sacred Ashes, I would still be with the Valo-Kas, desiring to live a life barred to me. But now," Ataashi looked over to Cullen and blushed at the intensity of his gaze, "I can live the life I always wanted. Or at least, I can act on those morals Shokrakar tried to convince me weren't worth following."</p><p>Cullen reached out and took her hand in his own, "Please forgive me, Ataashi."</p><p>"What for?" Ataashi's voice hitched. After yearning for such a touch, to finally have it was overwhelming.</p><p>"I have been blinded by my own pride and presumptions regarding your intentions and your race. I have acted on my ignorance and misjudged you." He squeezed her hand. "While I will keep your pain private so long as you wish it, I am honored and humbled that you revealed so much to me."</p><p>Ataashi's blush deepened, "Th-thank you, Cullen." Her eyes darted back down to their hands, and only by her look did Cullen realize they were still holding hands. He let go an instant later, and Ataashi immediately missed the contact.</p><p>"For what it is worth," Cullen's voice had her looking up and catching his gaze, "knowing your past and present as I do now, I believe you would've made a fine Templar."</p><p>"Coming from you, that means a great deal, Cullen. Thank you." Ataashi still felt the warmth of his words in her belly and the heat of her blush on her ears when she turned her gaze back towards the nothingness of their surroundings. "I suppose that was the long-winded way of telling you I don't have any siblings." Ataashi chuckled and heard an echoing snort from Cullen. "I have always been curious what it was like to have them, though. Hearing your stories of your family gives me a glimpse inside a world I've never known."</p><p>"I'm sorry if-"</p><p>Ataashi shook her head and lightly touched the back of his hand, "I appreciate and look forward to hearing your stories. They are a comfort, not a torture. Please believe me when I say that." She withdrew her hand, "And please don't stop sharing your stories with me."</p><p>Cullen cleared his throat, and she thought she heard him mumble an acquiescence to her request. They sat in companionable silence for a spell then, both of them wandering in their thoughts. When Ataashi felt the pull of sleep sometime later, she knew Cullen must be feeling it even stronger, and interrupted the silence.</p><p>"We need another distraction."</p><p>"Agreed." Cullen shook his head to clear it, "If Sera were here, no doubt that fiend would propose a drinking game." His eyes traveled to the satchel at Ataashi's side, "Only we have no drinks to spare for that."</p><p>"We could still go for the game itself, ignoring the drinks."</p><p>"But how do we determine which of us wins or loses?"</p><p>"First, we need to determine what game we are playing, then we can see."</p><p>"Ah," Cullen scratched his scalp, "I think she was playing some game with Blackwall recently that involved guessing truths from lies. I don't know the details aside from that. Only that Blackwall got drunk, very fast."</p><p>Ataashi smiled, "Yes, that's truth or lie. We make a statement, and the other has to guess if it is truth or a lie, and if we had drinks, the correct answer guessed makes the speaker drink, the incorrect answer makes the guesser drink."</p><p>"Very well." Cullen took a deep breath, "Shall we play it? I'm assuming it doesn't involve a lot of movement?"</p><p>Ataashi smiled, "No, not usually. You go first, or me?"</p><p>"I'll go first." He turned to look her dead on, and without blinking, he stated, "I have never ridden a Nuggalope."</p><p>Ataashi laughed and grimaced, then laughed some more. The mental image of Cullen on a Nuggalope was almost too much to bear.</p><p>"Truth."</p><p>Cullen sighed, "How did you know?"</p><p>"I can see you mounting a Hart and a Dracolisk before a Nuggalope. It doesn't carry enough prestige for you." Ataashi smirked, "If we had drinks, you'd have to drink, and I'd be awarded the point."</p><p>"Yes," Cullen sighed, "all right. Is it your turn, then?"</p><p>"Yes." Ataashi nibbled her lower lip in thought, then smiled before returning her gaze to Cullen's face. "I have never eaten chocolate cake."</p><p>"What?" Cullen sat up straighter and looked akin to horrified. "You've never eaten chocol-" At Ataashi's laugh, he stopped, "What?"</p><p>"Guess first, Cullen, is it a truth or a lie!"</p><p>"Oh," Cullen blushed, "well then, truth. I believe that is truth."</p><p>Ataashi continued her smile, "It seems we are both either very good or very bad at this game."</p><p>Cullen shared in the delight, and they continued the game. They both agreed the sweets would have to sacrifice to their plight at some point in the game, and they were both delighted to find the sweets laced with liquor and something else that seemed delightfully potent, and that very much took the edge off of…well everything. After just one sweet, Ataashi felt as light as a feather and no longer had any pain. After two, her skin felt a pleasurable tingle anytime she touched it. And after three, the same pleasurable thrum had begun between her legs. It was at this point that the game took a definite turn. She wasn't certain which of them asked the first of a series of more intimate questions, but each successive question asked was decidedly more visceral and of a sexual nature. Ataashi knew even in her compromised state that there would be hell to pay once they were rescued and sober.</p><p>"I have lain with one man." Ataashi followed up Cullen's attempted confession to twelve women—a definite lie—with her own truth.</p><p>Cullen leaned closer, the darks of his eyes wide, studying her. Ataashi refused to squirm, although the tingling between her legs demanded she bring friction there. His tongue darted out to lick his lips, and Ataashi couldn't help but shiver. What his tongue could be doing to other parts of her body…</p><p>"Lie." Cullen leaned back with a smirk only to have his smirk fall into a look of surprise at Ataashi's head shake, "Really? Only one? I would think that a woman of such beauty as yours would have had over a dozen by now."</p><p>Ataashi blushed, "I'm uncertain if that is a compliment to my so-called 'beauty' or an insult to my integrity." Cullen looked ready to apologize, and she shook her head, "No matter, Cullen. It is the truth. Only one human man. The other was Vashoth, and I would not classify him as a man."</p><p>"Hu-man." Cullen's eyes traveled, momentarily, down the length of Ataashi, in an assessing way. She felt her skin warm every inch his gaze traveled. "One, you say?" Ataashi nodded again. "Bloody mad." Ataashi shrugged one shoulder while Cullen huffed, "Well, then," he had since turned his body to face her fully, and his knee pressed firmly into the side of her leg, "isn't there another version of this game? Where we make a statement for the other?"</p><p>Ataashi nodded, "Yes," she leaned her head back, "do you want to shift into that now?"</p><p>"Yes," he grinned, "I'll go first." His eyes again studied her form before he stated, "You have kissed Blackwall."</p><p>At his statement, a brief image of Blackwall and the night of their kiss flashed. They'd both had far too much to drink, mostly due to a drinking game introduced by Sera, and it'd been right outside the stables. Quick, fumbling, and the next day apologetic. It had been the closest to sexual intimacy Ataashi had had in years. Neither she nor Blackwall had spoken of it again. Not that she didn't find the Grey Warden attractive, and she could tell he found her attractive—which was an agreeable change—but neither of them seemed interested in pursuing the matter. At least not at the moment.</p><p>"Truth." Ataashi had a hard time reading the emotion that flickered over Cullen's features at her admission but ignored it and made her statement, "You have kissed Cassandra." He betrayed his turn with a blush and a quick aversion of eyes. "Oh my, you have!"</p><p>Cullen shook his head, "Not exactly, no."</p><p>"How can you 'not exactly' kiss a woman? Did you just fall into her face or something?"</p><p>"As a matter of fact," Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, "yes. We were training, and I lost my balance when I tried to help her to her feet, and we met halfway."</p><p>"Ow!" Ataashi gripped her side and fell sideways, leaning into Cullen's form as the mirth overtook her. "That is too much! Oh, Cullen!" She continued to laugh despite the pain.</p><p>"We never speak of it, of course."</p><p>His additional dry comment renewed her amusement, and Ataashi had to reach out and grip his tunic to keep from falling into his lap completely. Vaguely, she was aware of his arm coming around her shoulders, his other hand resting on her knee, as he held her against him. When she pulled back, her eyes watery from the laughter, she saw a mirrored look of joy on his face. But then something changed in his expression. Ataashi was suddenly aware of how they were touching, where they were touching, and was reminded of the thrumming inside her body that demanded attention.</p><p>"Oh," Ataashi pulled away, but Cullen refusing to let go had her hesitating.</p><p>His voice sounded deeper when he spoke again, "You have wanted to kiss me."</p><p>Ataashi felt her heart slam against the confines of her chest, and air fled her in a gasp. There would be no need to answer verbally, as her body betrayed her. Even Cullen, a man not known for his ability to notice the subtler things, was aware if the way his eyes narrowed and his gaze darted down to her lips was any sign. He drew her closer, and not for the first time, Ataashi marveled that so much had happened between them in such a short amount of time. She could feel the warmth of his breath fanning across her cheeks and could almost taste the touch of his lips against hers-</p><p>Debris fell from the ceiling. They both startled, their lips brushing but not in the manner they'd intended, before pulling apart. Ataashi gripped her dagger, and she heard Cullen reach for the nearest rock.</p><p>"Hey," a voice sounded and Ataashi immediately relaxed her grip on her weapon. Seconds later, Sera dropped into view, looking both relieved and disgruntled at the sight of the seated pair of them. "There you two are! I found them, you assholes!" She yelled back to whoever held onto the other end of the rope secured around her waist. "They thought you were dead, yeah?" Sera untied herself and crept closer, a deepening frown creasing the lines of her face. "You both look like shite. But you're alive at least, yeah?"</p><p>"And glad to be that way too." Ataashi smiled first at Sera, then at Cullen. He kept his gaze averted, and she felt her heart lurch. It seemed now that they were in the company of others, they were back to square one. <em>Fuck</em>. "So, how are we getting out of here?" Ataashi returned her still, now fake, smiling expression to Sera.</p><p>Sera grinned, "That adorable Scout Harding has a few ideas she's working on with Commander Rylen as we speak. In the meantime," she pulled out a flask from her waist and held it towards Cullen, "looks like you could use a drink. Your hair is a bit…flat." She shot a wink in Ataashi's direction, and the Vashoth could only wish for a barrel of whatever it was in the flask. She was certainly going to need it to get over this whole bittersweet nightmare of a situation.</p>
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